My Divine Dream Team

This is not a treatise on whether or not “the divine” exists.  As the writer, I chose to take the leap of faith and say that God/Divine does indeed exist, at least in my life.   I choose this belief because it makes my life easier.

I don’t have a clue what “God/Creator/Divine” is!  Nor am I pretending to know.  I simply have my own beliefs that I have adopted.  Anything that I say in this writing is simply that, MY belief.  I claim that it is true, only for me.

God/Divine Dream Team is a community of oneness. God/Divine Dream Team is divine essence.  God/Divine Dream Team is distinct and unique in each of us.   We have a longing to be connected with the divine.   The divine infuses our physical body with breath, meaning spirit.

When we feel lonely, depressed, and fragile, we have somehow disconnected from our awareness of our divine spirit.  In truth, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are never disconnected from our divine spirit.   When we disconnect from our divine spirit, we physically die.

As a younger woman, I was a drunk.  I smoked.  I consumed drugs.  I had a mild form of anorexia because I ate very little and didn’t absorb nurture or nutrition from the food.  People routinely called me “skinny” a term that I grew to despise.  My self-esteem was in the toilet.   In summary, I was a mess.

I started contemplating giving up smoking.  This feat has been compared to giving up heroin.   I decided on a date and kept that promise to myself.  My decision was based on an underlying fear that I might experience a stroke.  Being a speech therapist, I had worked with people who had experienced a stroke and frankly, it scared me…a lot.  I didn’t ever want to experience it.

All the advice about giving up smoking stated that I also had to give up everything associated with a cigarette.  That entailed giving up coffee, alcohol, being around others who smoked, and many other things and places where smoking was part of the atmosphere.

So I white knuckled it…and began my journey of living in “reality” without being compromised by substances that altered my experiences.  I followed the adage “one day at a time” and particularly with smoking, I had to shorten it sometimes to several hours or even just one hour.

I carried a pack of cigarettes and a lighter with me telling myself that I “could” have one if I chose to smoke one.  This momentarily alleviated my pattern of rebelliousness.  It gave me permission to smoke if I chose.  Then using another adage…”just for today” or “just for this hour”, I would choose to postpone smoking and set another time period of choosing not to smoke.  It was hell.

I manifested migraines, herniated disks to where I was able to walk for only 5 minutes then had to sit down to allow my spine to realign, sleep issues, and other physical issues too many to list.

Then, I set an intention.    Instead of white knuckling each day, I chose to surrender to what I called “a higher power”.  For me, that higher power was my divine spirit, my soul.  Whenever I closed my eyes, I would see a purple color flowing around.  Sometimes it was dark purple, and at other times, lightening to a lilac color.    I called it my divine dream team.

I would intentionally surrender many times per day because my mind wanted to take back control and become willful, trying to force things to happen or to try and figure things out and stay in control.

I began to attend programs to assist me in discovery and recovery.  My childhood had been dysfunctional including alcoholic parents, fanatical religiosity, emotional incest, et al, where I developed and practiced unhealthy life patterns on a daily basis.  After a particularly difficult situation, I was in crisis and wanting to resume drinking and smoking.

Instead, I admitted myself into a 28 day inpatient program for women where I was formally diagnosed as an alcoholic with a core disease of codependence.  Even in this program, I was rebellious and questioning all of the techniques.

During a session, a therapist who I admired asked me, “Do you like puppies”?  Being an avid animal lover, I replied “yes”.  She stated emphatically, “then ‘be’ one.  Be trainable.  Do whatever you are told to do”.  From that day forward, I was trainable, and my recovery was jump started.

According to addiction experts, it took about two years for my brain to detoxify from my history of daily alcohol, cigarette, and drug consumption.  During this time I attended the 12 step program Al-anon and gradually learned how to feel my emotions in a healthy manner.

I was partnering with my divine dream team and believe that I was in the process of a “spiritual awakening”.  This is where transformation was occurring in all phases of my life…internally and externally.

My continued partnership with my divine dream team has allowed me to realize that everything happens in my life is happening FOR me (empowered), rather than “TO” me (victim).    Oh, not right away and not all the time.  It has taken many years.  I continue my journey of life and have grown to believe, that I am “being lived” through my divine dream team.